I woke up today feeling extremely hollow. As if all my ability to feel left me in my sleep. Today, and I’ll say for today only, I literally feel nothing. It makes me wonder if this is a type of survival mode? Shutting down due to being severely overwhelmed? I don’t know. I truly hope this doesn’t become permanent.
I will continue to tell myself this is the effect of all that is happening. Others aren’t quite responding this way but others aren’t walking my path. In fact, I don’t know a single soul right now who can truly relate. And here’s a moment of direct honesty…
…I literally and physically loathe people when they try to relate or minimize my situation. I actually want to reach out and strangle them. I want to scream at them for being selfish, ignorant and callous. I’m so unbelievably tired of hearing people tell me I need to be strong or they “understand exactly what I’m going through.” Not to be overly poignant here but NO YOU DONT!!
Stop trying to relate when you couldn’t possibly. Stop trying to fix me that’s not your job. Stop trying to minimize it isn’t helping anyone. Stop assuming you’ve got it when you have never dealt with what I’m going through. No offense intended, truly, but losing my husband and soulmate is NOT the same as losing a grandparent or a pet. It’s not the same as losing a cousin you never saw or an old college friend who was leading their own life. I don’t want to remarry or move on. I don’t want babies AT ALL let alone with another person other than him.
All in all stop trying to relate when you can’t! It’s awful. It reduces someone else’s experience, trauma and pain. It isn’t helpful, it’s glaringly selfish and trite of you to think so small. Please. Before you open your mouth trying to “fix” someone who is hurting try just being there with them in their sadness. If you can’t handle that than just don’t bother. Your inability to cope isn’t a grieving persons problem and shouldn’t be made as such.
I get that you believe you’re helping but you are doing far more damage than anything else. Step outside of yourself for one moment and let go of your selfish need to feel better about your response. An, “I’m so sorry for your loss,” and a hug are all it takes. The moment you want to relate on an uneven circumstance is the minute you stop being there for the grieving person and start only thinking of yourself.
I assure you this will NOT go over well with every reader. And to you I say, perhaps you are the one that should consider this more than others. It isn’t easy for us humans to recognize our opportunities and admit them to, at the very least, ourselves but here is one of them. Again, this isn’t to chastise or reprimand. It’s merely someone who has endured these scathing remarks long enough and bringing awareness to others that lack the sight.
Take this as a crash course in being a stronger friend for those you deem friends. If they aren’t, however, then stop playing fucking games. You aren’t twelve. Seriously.
The Rhythm of Her 