The Second Chance

I have openly refused to view my position as any form of opportunity. That’s a horrible concept. However, in recent weeks, I have realized that I only have two options in this situation: 1) I continue to openly refuse growth, change, and life, therefore breaking my promise and becoming endlessly bitter, angry and cold; or […]

Your Twilight

The peace resonates The stillness stirs Here in my mind I am swimming in your sea Your words paint the sky Your touch sets my soul ablaze Trying to catch my breath, myself My resolve falters I can’t help it I think of you more than I should I think of you more than I […]

Concupiscence

Stillness You Words spoken, words silenced Time stops Us Deep drawls, gaze ignites Clearing mind Cleansing soul Breathing breath Space created within being, all is still I am for now Discern the hidden, swim in quiet reality I am engulfed Vulnerability in the giving, words silenced I am awake

The Discovery of Independence

I was raised to be incredibly independent, to a point. My family was not a tight knit family so I spent an inordinate amount of time alone. There were certain things I relied on my mother for, naturally, but in terms of being on my own, I had that down. Until I met my husband. […]

Illecebrous

Simple yet exquisite Nothing anyone knows You are hidden My secret I keep you for me You You make me human Exposed You make me sentient Weighted I have found me All in you Dormant, still You hid within me Under a different name You’re reasonable, honest You’re passionate, overlooked I never knew I didn’t […]

A Letter to My Heart

I love you. I love you in a way no other ever could. Why? Because I understand you in a way no one ever will. More than anything, however, I am sorry. I am sorry for every single aching situation I have forced you through. I’m sorry for dreaming beyond reality and insisting your belief […]

Haiku Called Me

I am not burdened By my emotions or heart They are me, I them

Loneliness vs Solitude

Here I am. Sitting in my home. Alone. Per usual. I have had plenty of time to accept and align to my solitude, and usually I am alright with it. But there are times, like this one, where I find myself in angst. I find my heart screaming for love. My spirit calling to be […]

The Repercussion of Change

I have been wondering for some time now how the traumatic events wrapped around Davids passing would affect me and my presence within a relationship, if not my understanding of life in general. I now know. Oddly, I feel as if it has freed me in a way I am incapable of explaining properly. It […]

Horizon Beckons

Treading the path as one Navigating life in unison Never alone The sun sank Night poured in You broke from my side Looking back Watching you fade Flash of emerald There is only horizon Alone Frozen in disillusion Movement shifted to reflection Consumed by yesterday I found life pulling at me Dragging me forward Heels […]

My Intimate

Designed from dreams, impressionable youth Sculpted, manifested Longing transcends hope, hope transcends destiny Are you real? Curated being, brilliance the subject Mind for mind, mind for soul Deepest desire cast into possibility Declarations carved into will Are you real? Finding without search Disarming without permission Your glint of light etches my craving Admiring the movement, […]

My Day’s Mind

I was recently asked what it was I was looking for in life. I barred reply as there was none, and have waded in this thought since. I have finally found my answer. To me, life’s meaning is different for us all. Although that may be true, I also believe that our purpose is still […]

The Conflict

Thoughts sprawled within space Absorbing Mind watches with guard Heart on mute Not sure which way to go Foreign, fantastical, desired What’s real? Reflect, reflect Foraging the emotions caught by the storm Separate, pause, breathe Resist the plunge I can’t find up Lost in what I know Afraid of all that goes unsaid Nothing is […]

Infinite

Blank, mute, still Absorbing space Connecting with separation Cemented to now Impatience reverberates Shaking the calm Remain Searching for center Dwindled by shadows Remain Ego yearns Heart burns Casting nets into your sea Calling on the universe To awaken the fire within me Will I find my way?

Hello My Journal,

I’m sitting at my wee little dining table, having my morning oatmeal and coffee, soaking up this beautiful dawn. The stillness, the golden rays cutting through the sky, the soft pink defining each cloud, the gentle hum of the Katydid’s. This is how to start your day. I mean, naturally, I’d love to start it […]

Oh, My Dear Journal,

I’m a mess right now. I had a dream about David just before my alarm went off that is making me feel endlessly empty and incredibly broken. I had a dream that I couldn’t get to him but seeing him is all I wanted. I woke up not being able to see him…again. Every other […]

Haiku Called Chance

Chance is so risky A gamble with your own life What’s life without it?

Haiku Called Echo

I speak of my heart My voice reverberates through Echoes in hollow

Haiku Called Reality

Down the rabbit hole With its never ending fall Down and down it goes

Hello Dear Journal,

I’ve mentioned times prior within my writing that I get recurring dreams. I wouldn’t say I have them often but when I do have them there are patterns to them. For example, the recurring dreams come consistently during a period of heavy transition in my life. By consistently, I mean nightly until the period of […]

I Am

Echo of my voice Reverberates through my soul Rolling in alone Championed by will Don’t know how long this will last It seems like forever Trying to absorb All the lessons of my life While still believing Embracing my place Praying for the strength to rise Rise like a Phoenix Flying through this life Above […]

Secrets of Your Mind

What do you think of? Late at night While you lay staring past the ceiling What thoughts do you swim in? The ones that occupy your senses and cloud your mind Do you wonder what your life would be like if? Or imagine the perfect reality? Do you dwell on all of your missteps? Or […]

A Haiku Called Love

No matter the space Or time between us, I will Forever love you

Learning to Fly

I have found something, something small and deeply hidden, but I found it. It bares the faintest of flickers, but, alas, it is there. My strength is attempting to unbury itself from the avalanche of trauma I have recently been consumed by. It is beginning to break the solid crust of torment to reveal its […]

Dearest Journal,

I woke up today feeling extremely hollow. As if all my ability to feel left me in my sleep. Today, and I’ll say for today only, I literally feel nothing. It makes me wonder if this is a type of survival mode? Shutting down due to being severely overwhelmed? I don’t know. I truly hope […]

My Journal, My Friend

It’s absolutely astounding what you learn from tragedy. You can embrace mind boggling concepts as you have now walked through the fire. You can see life on a different spectrum than others. Especially, if you have a life that is constantly throwing rocks, you have no choice but to learn how to handle it all. […]

Chasing Freedom

With the wind blowing between my fingers And catching my hair in the bluster It radiates a sense of life Inspiring deep rooted courage And desire to dream, again I want to fly Casting aside the chaos of others Turning towards the unknown With a gulp of apprehension I step toward tomorrow And the need […]

Haiku Called Nothing

I can’t fucking sleep Grief in relentless pursuit Of my sanity

Haiku Called Lonely

If you hold my heart Up to your ear I believe You’d hear the ocean

The Hollow

Shifted facelessness Obscured view of light Hope now merely a daydream Feelings drowning in reality No allotment for pause Where is there left to hide? Stifled breath, stifled heart, stifled me Where is there left to flee? Everywhere has become nowhere Translucent memories change the color Washing my mind in sorrow Weighing my soul with […]

The Mystic

Endless eye, born within I am awake Floating time for thought Consuming angst of heart My harrowed soul surrenders Light of life ignited in earnest All take heed Declaring my destiny in silence Firm be thy hand Firm be thy head Eclipsed desire, secretive tongue Fire of yearning drowning sense I regale with honesty I […]

Twilight

I’m laying awake, staring at the ceiling My mind won’t rest My thoughts won’t settle All I can think of is you Heavy sighs, longing heart I miss you I want to tell you That I miss you Hungering for your touch, yearning for your gaze Wishing I could convey Wanting you to know Everything […]

Confidant

I wish I had someone to talk to Someone to wash time away with Breaking the day with endless thought Passing the nights with circulated notions Our breathless banter of heart I wish I had someone to go to Someone I could give in to Longing for conversation Yearning for connection Dreaming in the between […]

The Embrace

Understanding struggles Wrangling with reality It just is Forgoing any expectation For now acceptance is unreachable Observing the giant’s slumber Watching all force fade I fall silent Heart shuttered, nerves severed I feel nothing while I feel everything Permitted use of self guarded Subconscious seizing control I can no longer say Hollow is my message […]

Perspective

Foundation pouring through Sky from sky Sky to ground Is here where I stand? Shifted, shifting Hazed crystal Crystal clear Crystal chipped Nothing can stop it Pilgrimage exhausted Loss for wind Loss for throat But spirit will out Hunting gusts Surfing billows Holding heart Winged universe guiding Here is where I stand

Life’s Reckoning

Get up Get up and move Your time of sorrow must shift It must evolve You cannot lay on the floor forever You cannot cry forever And no one is coming to save you This is your journey No one else’s So find your legs Knowing they will buckle Find your courage Knowing it will […]

Watching Clouds

Laying, nestled in the tall grass The cold ground seeping through my shirt I am dreaming again in the sun The warm air smells of the sea The day drenched in your summer light Heavy sighs of longing How I wish what I dreamed was real Watching the clouds form Watching the stories blow across […]

Streak in the Sky

Cold, crisp, clear The morning is breaking through Creating space in my being Allowing life to take hold I lose myself in the scenery Gleaming, heavenly light A gentle gold cutting the sky The silhouette of the mountains Tearing through the horizon Giving me calm Giving me stillness Needing the halt All has become entrenched […]

To the Moon

Searching, floating, flying Wanting something more Needing something real Giving myself to destiny Pushing through chaos Rolling in my dreams How can I resist? I need something more I need to feel again Am I able? Trying to build my strength Finding my legs I want to stand Give me the courage My heart is […]

Haiku Called _____________

Life fucks with your plans It’s never what you hope for Now I drink, thanks life

Spoken in Silence

Thoughts Endless, racing, unforgiving thoughts I have replayed what I shouldn’t I have lost my will to dreams Wishing for you Calling for you All to nothing Driven by a fool’s heart Which way is up? Sense becomes subjective Reality defines itself Facing an empty universe Standing against time alone I wish you were here

Midnight Blues

It’s cold and still A light layer of clouds dusting the view Silhouettes Everything is a silhouette And all cloaked in silence The only sound is my heart throbbing inside my head It’s so cold It’s always fucking cold now Slowly I navigate the quiet realm My movement stirring the stillness Meandering about finding only […]

A Haiku Called Angry

He’s my fucking light I still can’t believe he’s gone How could you do it?

Scripturient

Oasis of mind Silencing the torrent Release of perspective Offers freedom from obsession I cannot refrain Hidden or offered Spirit finds expression Unlocking the cage Cutting the restraints Catching the wind The only way I can No confidant No loving solace Just me and my words Thoughts formulated Create my reality Reality is an illusion

The Stoic

Curiosity overtaking reason Casting caution to truth Mesmerized by the enigma Drawn to the spirit Quiet, observant, still How intriguing Watch and watched Pass silently The silence deafens Conscious, intentional, cerebral How fascinating Wayless journey Deniable focus Warm, cold, hot, cold Lost to moments Indeterminable, sophic, captivating How obscure Observing while hiding Fretting for heart […]

Dearest Journal,

I learned something about myself today. I have been swimming in my thoughts of David that I hadn’t realized other things had begun to fester, unattended to. I couldn’t put my finger on it at first. But then it came into focus.There’s an endless nagging within my spirit. Something that just won’t let up. Am […]

The Despondent Heart

It seemed so Only for awhile though That I would see What life could be Maybe finding joy In the endless void Instead of regret But now I forget Oh so long ago There was no way to know That I couldn’t escape This wretched fate Lost and alone Never find my way home It’s […]

Lurking

I can see you Did you know? Sulking in the corners of my life Lurking in the wings I can see you watching me Why are you watching me? What have you learned? Nearly nothing I am absolutely sure You check on me But you say nothing What do you hope to gain? There is […]

Be Kind. Rewind.

I’ve been here before Over and over again But the feeling is always as intense As if it’s first Running blind through the dark In the wrong direction I know nothing And nothing definitely knows me A traveller from another time Lost in your realm I can’t let go Losing my caution Ripped by the […]

Dreams To Dream

Two nights ago I had a dream. A very real, truly uplifting dream. Which is weird. Not because of recent events, mind you, but due to the fact that I never have uplifting dreams. That’s not my subconscious forte. This one, however, was a unique and beautiful delicacy. I dreamed of you. Which is also […]

From Memory

Mind reels in poetic thought, painting my world in deep hues of sky Flicked wrist, turned head, fluttering breath Streaking gold illuminates the horizon, flashing long shadows of a pitching sea Salty balm swathes my face Find the spot, see the forever Painted emotion, studied eye Turn this way, turquoise in velvet plum Twist that […]

Time

I can hear it clearly Reverberating within my being It cannot be ignored, passed over My spirit yearns, longs My spirit aches, needs Battling the confines Battling the mentality I dont have to march to your drumbeat I dont have to do your dance I can venture my own path I can traverse this life […]

The Statistic

I fought against it, determined Plagued by the inkling Resolute in stance, overcome I pressed forward, pushed forward Blindly driving myself Nowhere I went In circles I went Lost at the beginning Stuck Nowhere else to go Now what? No looking past, obstacle has overtaken Swelled in space, no room The numbers tick up and […]

The Reflection

Have you ever just sat and stared at yourself? Wondering Allowing every what-if about your life to take hold What did you see? Would even you tell anyone? Or is it something you choose not to acknowledge? As if ignoring it will actually mean it’s not real If given the opportunity would you change it […]

Selcouth

Strong, humble, kind, capable Can only be scratches on the page Captured, intimate, honest, vulnerable My imagination has run away with me Conscientious, patient, intentional, true All but dreams Yet the only things that matter

Haiku #6

In this life I walk Traversing the path, forward Lonely is the road

Haiku #5

Night is beautiful The world washed in silver light Deep breaths, salty air

Zephyr

Whirls, bellows, shifts Races time up, down Gusting truth through the cracks in the earth Ash of lifetimes fleck the sky Moans, blusters, whips Energy pulsates soft, strong Gently swathed in the strong nature, yielding Romancing the soul Carried upon its highest bow, casting golden shadows Taken, lost Then dreams to tales and tales to […]

Sweven

If only for a moment To know, to see If only for a second To feel, to free If only for a time To taste, to be But it will never happen I am only me

Deconstructed

Blur, spin, haze Inklings Smile, shudder Wait Shake, jolt, split Focus, focus, focus, distract Stories, tall tales Wait Smile, shudder Outstretched to flight Surrender

Still

Silence Nestle to haven, dusty planks Empty space, empty thought Silence Light flutters, fade to shadow Light with shadow, light or shadow Breathe deeply, deeply Silence Empty space, empty thought Calm, nothing Silence

Know That You Know Nothing

What’s worse? Realizing how much time you’ve wasted? Or realizing what you sacrificed to waste time? We lie to ourselves a tremendous amount in life. We pressure ourselves and carve our lives out around these strange, fictional guidelines that, in the end, will stand for absolutely nothing. We run towards what we’ve been trained to […]

The Insatiable Romantic

I have always been desperately in love with love. Or the idea of it, at least. When I was young, I used to lay awake at night listening to my tapes and clutching my Walkman to my chest, losing myself to my imagination. Chris Isaak, David Bowie, Enya, Kenny G – their songs of romance […]

mood

I wish I could express myself better. I wish I was capable of conveying the depth of my emotions, the accuracy of my heart. I wish I had made different choices. I wish I could take a couple of steps backwards, as if it would take me back just enough to step left instead of […]

The Gauntlet of Awareness

Every time I feel like I have worked diligently on some aspect of my personality that needed developing I’m so much closer to being the person I truly want to be. Yet, every time I work on something and feel better for it, something else becomes unearthed. As if there is only so much room […]

Mind in Flight

The same thoughts play on loop in my mind The thoughts that give me solace The thoughts that comfort my soul I silence my life so as to listen Listen to my heart, hear my breath I silence my life so as to listen

The Flame

Faint, sporadic, unidentifiable Curiosity fuels the urge Cold pressed for warmth Thrown into desire Racing toward life, abandoned existence Breathe Buckled, falter, human Smeared cheek, crimson will Bleed for heart Bleed for soul Fantastical sacrifice, one’s secret Reality saturated in dreams Lone to stand for one Strength pounds the chest, breath lost to hope Seek […]

Purgatory

Realm between realms No direction, no light Reverberating silence thrown through time Nothing is what you need Alone Completely alone Feeling restraint, sight unseen The walls, my walls Bleeding for freedom, slaughter of self Battles waged in retreat I am my captor

Dislocated Reality

Do I exist? Is any of this real? Sometimes I feel as if none of this is real. Like I’m trapped in a rerun being shown for the first time. If it wasn’t real wouldn’t it be – I don’t know – better? Just a thought.

Haiku #2

People piss me off Find something better to do Than being near me

The Eccentric

People don’t understand me. They never really have. In my youth I was immediately pegged as ‘unusual’ or, my personal favorite, ‘crazy’. Even those closest to me are often at a loss for patience when it comes to understanding. Eventually, nearly all I have known, at one point or another,  have declared their resignation of […]